A Donut, A Llama, and Crazies
by thisbeautifultragedy
Summary: What are two girls bored in English to do? Write an incredibly crack-y and insane story of course.   MirrorX14


Once upon a time, there was a magical donut. It was a jelly donut and it was very beautiful. So beautiful that it's beauty rivaled Athena's. Athena was jealous, and thought she was going to have to pull another Medusa, but along came a flying llama. The llama's name was Frank-William Liam Fitzgerald Oliver Cromwell Richelieu Bushwacker IV. He had aspirations to become a pilot in the Royal Air Force. Unfortunately, the RAF was now run by fascist beagles, the leader had a mustache. Frank became determined to defeat the fascist beagles and live his dream.

Frank began his adventure on a rainy afternoon in Ohio, in a barber shop. He had to obtain razors and other barber-y tools so he could bring about the end of the mustache! After stocking up on shaving tools, he caught a plane to a place called Dutchland, run by idiotic yaoi fangirls. There, he was forced into a giant purple room. In this room was a box with a label - "FUN BOX". He attempted to open it, but decided not to when strange noises came from the box. He became scared, and sat in the far corner away from the Fun Box. Finally, it opened, and two crazy orphans climbed out. Frank screamed, because he didn't know them and wasn't allowed to talk to strangers.

The dark-haired boy said, "Hello, we are A and B. That's A over there. Do you have any jam?" Frank looked at him and shook his head.

"I'm a llama, we don't eat jam."

A hid in a corner, as he was afraid of llamas. B chased Frank off with his knife. Frank remembered that he had the jelly donut in his backpack. Luckily, the airport security guards were not hungry that day. Trying to get B to stop chasing him, he took the jelly donut out and tried to distract him. It didn't work until the donut started glowing. At this point, B was chanting backwards in Latin, which made Frank just a little more afraid. Ominous background music began to play, and the jelly donut began to fly, which made B chase Frank around again because he was more angry that he couldn't fly.

The donut completed it's orbit and returned to B and Frank, where it started speaking in Spanish. "Hola!" For some reason, B and Frank didn't hear the rest of the sentence. That reason was A screaming, "PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!!!!!!!!"

"Parlez-vous Francais?" the donut asked.

"o.O you speak French too?" Frank asked.

"Oui."

"I don't like French." B said.

"DONUT'S AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK!!!!!!!!!!" shouted A.

"I DO WHAT I WISH," the donut roared, in what appeared to be a crappy German accent.

"Germany!" cried B.

"What? Yes, I'm German."

"Are you Hitler?" the killer asked.

"Do I look like a cat to you?" the donut retorted.

"Wait, what?" Frank was confused.

"Everyone knows that if you try and take over the world you become a cat." B said, like it was obvious.

A continued to quiver in the corner.

The donut flew over to A and said, "You're my favorite."

A began to cry, and B was NOT happy about this.

"Why is A crying?" Frank asked, totally confused.

B aimed his knife at the donut, closing one eye. "Evil pastry must die!"

"AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!" and the donut flew away....straight into a wall.

B attacked the donut, and everyone covered their eyes.

When he had killed and eaten the donut, he turned around and Frank told him he was evil. He also told him that he needed a bath. Athena was pleased at the donut's death, but the RAF awaited Frank...but Frank wanted to mourn the loss of his only friend before leaving Dutchland. He left the town of Sprekkenzy on a train, then caught a boat to Merrie Olde England-e. He was, indeed, on a boat. He wondered if there were any other crazy people he was going to meet. As if on cue, a ponytailed eyepatch wearing surfer leapt onto the boat and exclaimed, "I AM AN ORCA!"

"WELL I'M A LLAMA YOU IDIOT!" Frank yelled and ran down the road, which must have been connected to the boat by the power of Trogdor. It was a magical rainbow road that took him to the office of the RAF – located underneath a fish and chips stand. The man sitting there had pink hands as he had had an unfortunate incident involving a purple pen and hand sanitizer. He also had a funny mustache, although he was not a beagle.

"What happened to the beagle leader?"

"The blehblehbleh have got 'im."  
Another man appeared, "He stole jam from a stranger and got killed."

Frank started laughing. "B?"

"No. Ares. He loves his jam."

"Nah, I still thnk it's B. Oh wait, B's in Dutchland."

Everyone went pale. "Dutchland?"

"Yeah..."

"Didja see that bloke with green hair?"

"I saw a magic donut." Frank got tears in his eyes. "And then it died."

There was a moment of silence for the donut. Until the funbox that had magically fit into Frank's backpack fell to the floor.

"JELLLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYY!" B yelled from inside it.

"DON'T OPEN IT!" Frank yelled.

A poked one finger out. "Please do."

"Don't do it."

Suddenly, there was a thump from inside the box, and more noise. Then the box broke. The orphans tumbled out, as did a Twister mat.

"When did you, what?" Frank was confused as they didn't have the mat before.

"B has very large pockets." A explained.

"Ah, I see."

Suddenly, in a flash of green smoke, a beagle with a large mustache appeared.

"I THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD."

"Nope. I just escaped to Diagon Ally."

"You can't be serious," A groaned.

"Nah, he's definitely not Sirius." B said.

"MY NAME IS PETER!"

"O rly?" Frank said.

Peter gave him the evil eye. "Ya. Rly."

"4 8 15 16 23 42." The guy behind the fish and chips stand said and pushed a button.  
"What's the button for?"

"It blows up Pluto?" B guessed.

"Close..." and then Peter blew up.

His mustache was still intact, though charred. They decided to sell it on eBay to someone in Iceland. They needed it, since they did not seem to be able to grow mustaches themselves. It was a side effect of listening to opera versions of Lady GaGa songs on repeat for a month.

The RAF offered Frank a chance to become a pilot.

Of course he accepted, and they all did the Caramelldansen.

And this is why the Royel Air Forse uses lama-fiting.

I am sorry, Billy, but you fail the pop quiz. -Ms. Johnson.


End file.
